Ignorance is Bliss
by LMSharp
Summary: A look inside Arthur's head as he thinks over his not-quite friendship with Merlin. Thought up during SE-3, but any time past mid-series 1 will do. "Arthur doesn't want to know. Arthur Pendragon may be arrogant and complacent, but he is no fool. He has noticed his manservant Merlin's mask, his sneaking around, and his flimsy excuses."


**Disclaimer: I'd like to say Arthur Pendragon and Merlin are pretty much public domain, they've been legends for so long. But to satisfy proprieties, I am basing this particular fanfic off the characters and events in the BBC television show based in Albion, not old England. I don't own the show, nor do I garner any profit from this completely unofficial fanfiction.**

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Arthur doesn't want to know.

Even an idiot couldn't spend every day around a man and not have some idea of what he is and what he does, and Arthur Pendragon may be arrogant and complacent, but he is no fool. He has noticed his manservant Merlin's mask, his sneaking around, and his flimsy excuses. Merlin's preoccupation is part of what makes him a bad servant. Along with the mouthiness (though Arthur has admitted more than once that he does not mind that nearly as much as he used to).

Things _happen_ around Merlin. (Or don't happen- Arthur isn't sure which is worse) Merlin constantly seems to be just next to the current criminal threatening Camelot. He is not infrequently accused of being a criminal himself. Too frequently. For all his woeful skills with arms, Merlin is almost never injured, and he has often been standing unharmed over Arthur when he awakes at the battle's end. Sometimes Arthur is certain that it is because Merlin hides. He has seen Merlin behind trees or on the ground during the fray. But sometimes- sometimes a spear pierces an opponent out of nowhere. Sometimes Arthur turns around and sees that a tree has fallen. Sometimes Arthur sees that the oafish Merlin has actually killed a man…and he wonders.

But Merlin never runs away. Even when Arthur brings him unarmed into battles a knight should fight (that knights _do_ fight and die in). Maybe that's why Arthur's got into the habit of doing it. Merlin always survives. Always comes. He even _insists_ on coming. It is nice having a man at his side that won't run, won't die. A man that will defend him with everything he's got. Even if Merlin can't handle a mace to save his life (Arthur hopes that he won't have to). Arthur knows he really oughtn't to take Merlin into these things. But he does. And somehow, it always works out.

Merlin seems to _know_ things. He produces information about people and places in Camelot Arthur couldn't know about on a more or less consistent basis. Part of that's just because he's a servant, of course. People speak freely around Merlin that would never dare to do the same around Arthur. But Arthur has the feeling that Merlin takes it a step further. He's taken Merlin on enough covert missions, done enough sneaking around with his manservant, that he wouldn't be surprised if Merlin was in the habit, even when Arthur wasn't with him.

Arthur isn't concerned that Merlin might talk, as might be expected of a servant. Merlin doesn't gossip. He _never_ talks about anything important at all (it's annoying, but it's become strangely comforting, too) up until the moment Arthur needs him to. And then Merlin speaks out with wisdom, knowledge, and authority that never ceases to surprise Arthur, coming from his idiot of a manservant. Arthur knows that the idiot part is a mask, really, a persona that Merlin puts on because Arthur expects it. He knows Merlin is smarter than he lets on and knows more than he ever tells.

And Arthur knows that Merlin has a secret. Merlin has a dangerous secret that necessitates all the sneaking around, all the masks, and all the flimsy excuses. There is something lurking in the back of those clear blue eyes that hints at an explanation for all the times Merlin is late with his chores, at the times that he sometimes forgets to do them at all. There is reason behind the things that happen (or don't happen) around Merlin, behind the odd, frightening coincidences that follow him around like an improbability plague. There has to be a source to his odd knowledge.

Merlin's secret hardly poses any danger to Arthur. He knows that. Heaven knows why, but Arthur is fully aware that Merlin would go through hell for him (and has). But the secret is somehow dangerous if _Arthur knows_. The fear of this, more than any impropriety (because what has _Merlin_ ever cared for impropriety), is why Merlin keeps rejecting Arthur's clumsy attempts to offer friendship, he thinks.

Sometimes shadows whisper in Arthur's mind. The pieces of the puzzle shift. The clauses of the riddle move, and Merlin begins to make sense. But when that happens, Arthur always shuts his eyes very, very tightly. Because things are comfortable now. They're good. Arthur doesn't always know how, but crises resolve themselves, and Merlin continues to survive the battles Arthur shouldn't be dragging him to. And things may not make sense, and Merlin may be lonely behind his mask of bumbling, incompetent, wisecracking idiocy, but he's also safe.

If Arthur doesn't try to work out the innumerable inconsistencies in his manservant, doesn't attempt to make sense of the multiple coincidences and odd circumstances that surround him (too many), then he doesn't have to make any hard, painful decisions either. He doesn't have to betray his duty, or lie to his father, or send his servant away, or watch his friend (yes, he really is much too close to Merlin- painfully close) die.

So Arthur shuts his eyes very, very tightly and jumbles the pieces, whenever Merlin starts to make any sort of sense. He ignores the postulates and tries not to even think about the conclusion that has been lurking darkly just beyond words for what seems like years now.

He doesn't want to know.


End file.
